the Adventures of Lonic: a gay rhythm game fan fic

like, you ever even seen Top Gun?
I'm it's not like, you know, you're writing gay rhythm game fan fiction right now, right?

After getting the SSSS-Ultra Perfect on MaiMai, Sonic the Hedgehog and his long lost brother Lonic (my OC, giggle) came out of the game and asked all the guys at the arcade if they were ready to party!
Lonic is his Brother, but only half brother. He's half hedgehog, half human.
And Sonic (from another time space plain... aka the Sonic from Sonic 2006) is both of their father

Sonic is actually gay, but Dr Robotnic has brainwashed him into thinking he's straight, so that Sonic with breed and Robotnic can steal his kid and turn it into the ultimate fighting machine...
[11:24 PM]
which he needs to save the universe. But Lonic doesn't know that part, so he's trying to break the brainwashing with the power of rhythm games.

So, Lonic used to be a Quadrillionaire until a meteor smashed his yacht, which was carrying ALL of his gold.
The gold sank into the Ocean
Lonic washed up on an island and found a small church. There, Jesus, told him all about Sonic's problems
[11:52 PM]
There was also a shaved ice hut on the island and there Lonic met a beautiful, Latino man, named Lugo
[11:52 PM]
Together they opened a gay dance club that only played rhythm game music.
[11:54 PM]
BUT, there was this guy named Rico. He wore a diamond. One day, he went a bit too far. Lugo sailed across the bar. Punches flew. A chair was smashed in two. There was blood and a single gun shot, but just who shot who?

Rico shot Lugo and Lugo died.
as for the gold, the ocean at that spot is 80000KM deep and no one could ever get it back
the dance club was just a holographic trap designed to imprison Lonic forever

After Lonic escaped he went to Post Falls Zone, South Dakota to find Sonic who was working at a Pawn shop
Sonic was collecting the Chaos Emeralds from local junkies who would pawn them for drug money
There was an epic battle between Sonic and Lonic the first time they met, which destroyed half the town.
[12:12 AM]
3 weeks later, Sonic got pulled over the police, who were very racist against hedgehogs.
[12:13 AM]
Lonic saved him and killed all the police.

They then went to New York City and that's when they found the "chosen one" who scored the SSSS-Ultra Perfect in Maimai

So, the mystery of Lonic's gold: As it sunk into the deep ocean of 80000km, the pressure crushed it into a sphere, it came out the other side of the earth, and is now a mini-moon made of 100% gold but with Ocean water it took with it.

So, it's been bothering me since the other day.... but I've lost faith in humanity because when I was detailing Lonic's adventures at the club, you had to ask who got shot between Rico and Lugo... when EVERYONE should f**king know the reference!!!! ARGH!! (I can't be a true fanfic writer without having a break down about stupid things)

ok, what, like "there was blood and a single gunshot, but just who shot who? AT THE ___" this is an mega-hit song from one of the biggest names of all time

OMG!!! It's "At the Copa, Copacabana"!!!
[11:05 PM]
they literally don't let kids into kindergarten if they haven't heard the song!!

Screw you guys, I'm going to go cry and contemplate genocide. So no more Lonic fanfic for you

recap Gold Wings > Top Gun > That Volleyball scene > Gay Fanfiction > Lonic

Lonic has COVID and to fight it he's going to shrink himself down and inject himself into the boss COVID inside of himself.

Even better... Lonic, never having met his grandfather, assumed that his father was 100% human (his mother is 100% hedgehog). But, in fact, his grandfather WAS bleach!! Thus Lonic is 25% bleach himself
Bleach is 1/2 resistant, but both Humans and Hedgehogs are x2 weak to it, so it still super effective
But, if Lonic destroys the boss COVID all other COVID will die too.

and in the Knuckles side story:
The ghost of Knuckles was pardoned by the Lord of Darkness, Ronald Reagan.
But Knuckles' ghost decided to stay the at gay sex slave prison on Mars because of all the rhythm game music they play.

So, Lonic defeated COVID boss from inside COVID boss while being inside of himself...
but COVID boss left a nasty surprise inside of Lonic while Lonic was inside of COVID boss inside of Lonic! (next time on Lonic, a new character arrives!)

So, after Lonic defeated COVID boss, the president called and thanked him. He also gave Lonic $200million to say that he was part of the president's task force.
a few days later, after eating a ton of Taco Bell, Lonic had a dream

In the dream, Lonic gave birth to an attractive 16 year old daughter.
He woke up and say that he was glad it was just dream... but IT WAS REAL.
She stood beside Lonic with a phaser sword pointed at his face.

She laughed at told Lonic she'd let him live for at least another week, before flying out the window.

COVonic has arrived, half COVID, quarter Hedgehog, eighth human, eighth bleach... 100% parenting issues ahead for Lonic!

So, after a week of wild parties, Lonic had spent all $200million and was broke.
[3:56 PM]
He needed a job... that's when a familiar face walks through the door with a dangerous, but high paying gig. It's Lugo, who's been brought back to like by the US government to form a team of heroes to stop COVonic's deadly rampage.
[3:57 PM]
Lugo now wears an eyepatch from when he was shot. Lonic, who's been partying way too hard, hadn't known about the deadly rampage, but accepted job.

Lonic was just about into a new arc... but is taking a break this week for a side story crossover:

It's " Kacheek Week " in Lonic's world, so it's a SonicXNeoPets story!
So, Lonic went to the world of NeoPets, but they were all dead because no one feed them for 15 years.

After defeating COVID boss (in mahjong as we now learn), the President gave Lonic $200million. And then Lugo returned with an eye patch...
[2:50 PM]
And now, the epic conclusion:

Lugo hands Lonic a pamphlet and says he's recruiting the best Lonics from all the parallel universes for the LonVengers Project.
The pamphlet has bios for SpiderLonic, a Lonic who can shot webs out of his antenna; CaptainLonic, a guy who once drank Lonic urine and has a picture of Lonic on his shield; ZeldaLonic, a boy in green with a sword; IronLonic, a Lonic who was turned to steel in the great magnetic field... he can't move, he's solid metal, YodelLonic, and more...

The first meeting of the LonVengers takes place at a HolidayInn that still has watersides from the 60s.
Lonic sucker punches ZeldaLonic and steals his sword. He then cuts of all the other Lonics' heads and absorbs their power because "There can only be one!".

Since Lonic spent the entire $200 million the President gave him before Lugo returned and then Lonic killed all the other LonVengers; neither of them have a job.

So Lugo needs to stay in the area to collect unemployment and Lonic decides to set out to revive Knuckles, because Knuckles can punch things really hard...
hard enough to punch Lonic the golden moon, so Lonic can get his quadrillion dollars of gold back
So Lonic had decided to revive Knuckles, so Knuckles could punch him to the golden moon.
But Knuckles had died in a Viagra accident and, thus, went to Viagra Hell.
The only way to get there is die in a Viagra accident (Viagra suicide doesn't count as you go to Viagra Purgatory)

Not wanting to wait around, Lonic contacted Dr Robotnic.
He told Dr Robotnic that he could kill Lonic, IF he marked the death certificate reason as "Viagra Accident" .

They did this.
Lonic came over with on Viagra and Robotnic shot him, completed the death cert, and Lonic was on his way to Viagra hell.

So Lonic goes to Viagra Hell and gets assigned to the same Gay sex prison that only play rhythm game music on Mars that Knuckles was assigned to.
[6:28 PM]
If you remember, Knuckles was released, but stayed anyway.
[6:30 PM]
Anyone at the prison can leave, but only if they beat the Lord of Darkness, Ronald Reagan at rhythm games. Those who lose have to stay in the dungeon forever listening to the say 3 country songs forever.

Before you know it, Lonic put up a SSSS-Ultra Perfect on MaiMai and was headed back to the world of the living with Knuckles.
Lonic and Knuckles arrive back on Earth from Viagra Hell.
Lonic wastes no time asking Knuckles to punch him into orbit and onto the golden moon (aka Lonic's gold that fell through the Earth and into space)
[7:24 PM]
So Knuckles punches him and he flies upward fast, very fast. Like 200ms per second.
[7:29 PM]
While he is flying, someone is approaching at a slightly faster speed.
It's COVonic (Lonic's Daughter) She tries to kill Lonic, but he blocks her attacks.
She then tells Lonic that an even greater evil is coming to kill them both.

Soon another figure approaches and catches up to Lonic and COVonic.
He introduces himself as Knovonic, the son of Knuckles and COVonic.
Lonic is confused and looks at COVonic.
She explains that since she is part COVID her particles are too small to be stopped by the dimensional barriers, so she was able to travel to Viagra hell and have a romance with Knuckles.

And also that she can have kids very quickly because of her COVID heritage.
[8:06 PM]
(note Knovonic is 1/2 echidna, 1/4 COVID, 1/8 hedgehog, 1/16 human, and 1/16 bleach)

So, Lonic, COVonic, and Knovonic all arrive on the golden moon after flying through space.

It's a very nice golden moon.
There are even oceans made out of golden water and the air is gold-infused-oxygen.
Lonic is revealed to be with his quadrillion dollars of gold again.
Breathing the golden air, makes his lungs feel rich again.

Lonic, COVonic, and Knovonic had arrived on the golden moon with it's golden water oceans and gold-infused air.
[6:39 PM]
Knovonic tells Lonic that he's there to kill him and finish the job that COVID Boss and COVonic couldn't do.
Then Lonic and Knovonic fight intensely for 6 days.
[7:03 PM]
Normally, Lonic would be weaker than Knovonic... but the thought of getting back his quadrillion dollars in gold drove him to higher levels

[7:04 PM]
On the 7th day, COVonic had enough and tried to stop the fight. But she tripped and Knovonic punched her.
[7:06 PM]
As she was dying in Knovonic's arm, she told him that the password was...

She then died

[7:08 PM]
Knovonic stood and told Lonic that he was going to kill whomever did this to his mom
[7:08 PM]

Lonic reminder him that he did it himself.
[7:08 PM]
And Knovonic killed himself
[7:10 PM]
Having really no attachment to his daughter or grandson, Lonic shrugged.

[7:10 PM]
He then tied a rope to the golden moon and started pulling it back to earth.
[7:13 PM]
As Lonic got closer to Earth, the golden moon was pulled into the Earth's gravity.
[7:15 PM]
With an impact point just 10km north of Hong Kong, the golden meteor destroyed half of Asia, leaving 3.1 billion people dead.

Thus, Sonic was no longer a target of Dr Robotnic's plan to turn him straight in order to stop the Earth's destruction for the golden moon falling in the future...

[7:30 PM]

so, when we last left Lonic, all quadrillion dollars of his gold had crashed into the Earth, killing 3.1 billion people.
[10:23 PM]
the impact was so strong that it woke some dinosaurs that had been sleeping for millions of years AND it infused the dinosaurs with gold.... they because Gold Dinosaur Robots
and they have psychic powers. They took much of lonic's gold and began buying real estate
[10:30 PM]
Lonic didn't know about this because he was deep in the mountains completing his intro level samurai training
[10:35 PM]

There's uiiiyooi. A golden brontosaurus robot who has the psychic ability to create really good marketing campaigns.
And oooaaqo, who is an unknown flying type dinosaur, he can travel through time.
And eeii, a small and cute dinosaur that can eat anything located anywhere in time and space.

One day during his training, Lonic finds a sword and becomes a grandmaster samurai. Having mastered the highest level of samurai training, Lonic returns to New York City to find that the golden dinosaur robots now own 90% of the city and have set up the largest rhythm game tournament in history.
And the winner gets to become god. Can Lonic use his new found samurai powers to win the tournament and become god?
Lonic arrives at the biggest rhythm game tournament in history, where the winner becomes god.
[10:49 PM]
Lonic arrives there and enters the tournament.(edited)
[10:50 PM]
There are 4 total entries, Lonic and the 3 golden dinosaur robots.
[10:50 PM]
In the first round, lonic has to battle oooaaqo.
[10:53 PM]
The announcer says that the first round, player will be playing Donkey Konga by Nintendo. Lonic is allergic to nintendo and falls over, foaming at the mouth.
[10:53 PM]
oooaaqo got a C-, but Lonic didn't hit a single note and only recovered after the round was over. Lonic had lost.
[10:55 PM]
oooaaqo went on to win the tournament becoming the first golden robot dinosaur ever to become god.
So, I bet you're been wondering about Lonic. Well, the newest, most poorly written chapter is here.

[11:09 PM]
After losing the most important rhythm game tournament ever, Lonic returned home to find a note from Lugo saying, "Don't look for me.". He was gone.
[11:11 PM]
So, Lonic decided to check out the Loser's Club (a club entirely for the big losers ever) located at 400 9th 32nd Street.
[11:14 PM]
Outside the club, Lonic saw something in the dumpster. It was some sort of cat looking thing.
[11:19 PM]
It was ichihime. She'd been tossed out the window of the Loser's Club for losing too much. Lonic gave her a cookie and they were instantly bonded, like the cheap thing she is.

[11:19 PM]
She then told Lonic she was actually a guy and Lonic knew he was in love.
It's probably time for a new lonic chapter
[8:39 PM]
Last time, Lonic found ichihime in a dumpster outside of the loser's club. He found out that ichihime is really a boy and fell in love with him.
[8:40 PM]
So Lonic and ichihime started dating and every Friday night they'd go to the loser's club to lose at mahjong.
[8:42 PM]
One Friday night, however, they ran into trouble as they encounter oooaaqo in the streets on the way home.

[8:44 PM]
Oooaaqo told Lonic that he needed ichihime as a sacrifice and then he would use his golden robot god dinosaur power to ban "all simples" from the universe forever
[8:46 PM]
But Lonic had already been corrupted by ichihime and needed the power of "all simples" to live
[8:51 PM]
Oooaaqo challenged Lonic to an East/South game of mahjong with ichihime at stake.
[8:58 PM]
Lonic started the game as east. In turn 1, he pon'd 8of bamboo. In turn 2, he chi'd 3 of circles for a 345. All simples was looking likely. But on turn 4, oooaaqo riichi'd and Lonic immediately discarded into his hand. Riichi, ippatsu, tsumo, full flush, all triples, 3 concealed triples, 3 dora, 3 ura dora.

Lonic had challenged a golden dinosaur robot god and lost
So... I bet... You've been wondering...

[4:50 PM]
"what's going on with Lonic these days"
When we last left Lonic, he had just lost the mahjong match in east 1 vs oooaaqo with ichihime at stake.
[4:57 PM]
With nowhere else to turn, Lonic created the website character poll in hopes of saving ichihime via pure popularity
[5:00 PM]
And now, the results!
[5:00 PM]
In 5th place with 32 votes, Lonic....
[5:00 PM]
And Lonic was immediately screwed...
[5:01 PM]
In 4th place with 33 votes, YodelLonic...
[5:02 PM]
Lonic wonders who the hell YodelLonic even is....
[5:05 PM]
In 3rd place with 38 votes, Rico...
[5:05 PM]
Lonic is pretty pissed at this point....
[5:06 PM]
Even if Rico may or may not have been part of a holographic problem...(edited)
[5:07 PM]
In 2nd place with 680 votes, Lugo...
[5:08 PM]
And in 1st place.....
With 936,471 votes

Not only had ichihime received just 1 vote (less than other guest character such as Ronald Reagan and Sonic '06), but Lonic himself was less popular than 2 characters who appear just once.
Given his greater than ever power, oooaaqo determines that he is now the main character and that Lonic will now be the villain
[5:18 PM]
Beginning with last chapter
[5:20 PM]
In the great mahjong match, oooaaqo easily defeat the evil Lonic in East 1 and saved ichihime from being a loser for life.
[5:21 PM]
After banishing Lonic to the dumpster, oooaaqo took ichihime to the site of the ritual he had prepared.
[5:23 PM]
Ichihime was scared, but oooaaqo calmed her fears with a detailed explanation of the ritual and it's effects. He also outlined that changes that would become her. She smiled and agreed.
[5:24 PM]
Oooaaqo completed the ritual in the exact time estimated of 17 min and 22.672 sec
[5:25 PM]
All simples had now been removed from the world.
Ichihime was not longer a cat thing, but was now a 100% real girl named Yakuhime. She also was released from her terrible curse of saying "-nyan" after everything
[5:28 PM]
Now she was free to become happy and successful instead of a joke
[5:29 PM]
She went to the dumpster to kill Lonic, but a wild raccoon had already carried him away.....
We finally get to Lonic's transformation today, so be excited
[5:43 PM]
After having lost to oooaaqo in mahjong and the character popularity poll and having watched ichihime be turned into the much more normal Yakuhime, Lonic was sad.
[5:44 PM]
Lonic went back to his empty apartment. No one loved him anymore. He decided to leave new York behind and wonder the world aimlessly for the rest of his days.
[5:46 PM]
While he was packing his stuff, he found a laptop. It wasn't his, but he turned it on. Immediately, it asked for a password....
[5:47 PM]
He didn't know the password and the laptop said there was 1 attempt left and that any more incorrect tries would cause it to melt
[5:48 PM]
He thought hard.... And then he remembered that his daughter COVonic had told him the password just before she died back on the golden moon. N
[5:50 PM]
Confidently, Lonic entered the password, Password123
[5:51 PM]
The laptop started up. On the laptop, Lonic found 400GB of furry hentai and a file call, the_secerts_of_lonic.exe
[5:55 PM]
Lonic immediately clicked on the file many times, starting the program many times. The first popup box said to "connect Lonic to the pc.", So Lonic used his lonic-to-usb adaptor and the program continued.
[5:56 PM]
Over the next 3 days, the program updated Lonic many times and generated a number of errors because so many copies were running...
Lonic was finally ready to take on oooaaqo. He stalked oooaaqo and Yakuhime to the high end mahjong parlour at the end of town. Finally oooaaqo told Lonic to show himself already.
[6:03 PM]
Oooaaqo started breathing molten gold at Lonic, but Lonic was now faster than ever... Moving 2.1 times the speed of time.
[6:07 PM]
Lonic finally attacks and knock oooaaqo to the ground. Oooaaqo stands and says that he'll never beat Lonic in his dinosaur form. Oooaaqo transforms into a hot, Polynesian man. While Lonic is distracted, oooaaqo punches him into the ground with enough force to shatter time/space itself.
[6:09 PM]
Lonic barely stands and says it is time! Lonic begins to glow as his body start to change shape.
[6:10 PM]
Lonic has changed into a
[6:10 PM]
And says his new catch phase "it's time to hose you down!"
[6:13 PM]
Oooaaqo, still in human form, takes a second to admire the transformation. He then runs over to Lonic, opens his driver's door and drives Lonic of the pier into the river, jumping out as Lonic is midair. Lonic then sinks to the bottom of the river as he is unable to move or change out of firetruck mode.
It's time for the exciting conclusion of Lonic [7:27 PM] Lonic spent a year as a firetruck at the bottom of the river before he was able to change back. [7:29 PM] By then oooaaqo had solved all the world's problems and had even revived the 3 billion plus people Lonic had killed with the golden moon. [7:30 PM] Since there were no more problems, Lonic retired to a small cabin near a swamp. [7:31 PM] The End
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