Hey Everyone. It's me, Lyle. I find it quite hard to beleive that is had been 12 years since the last Lonic chapter was written.
I must apologize for this break, if for some reason you were actually wanting more. (LOL).
Lonic is a crazy fan fic that I wrote starting in 1994, when I was in middle school, and continued into 2000.
Since then, I have graduated with a degree in Enviromental Science and spent the last 6 years studying the effects of global warming on polar bear habitats in the Arctic... Not exactly the sort of enviromental to be writing crazy fan fiction.
Since returning to civilation recently; I've learned that internet has become a place for absolute nonsense... and when it comes to nonsense... Lonic is king.
Without further ado, Lonic Part 5 starts now!
The year is 2012, the very same year that the Mayans predicted the world would end.
yyuuuakoo, however, had erased existence from existence, and thus, in 2012, there is no world to destroy.
Confused and unhappy, the Mayans destroyed the nothingness and the world began to exist again.
The Earth has been repaired. Lonic and everyone he knew were given homes in a suburban neighborhood.
Lonic part 5 is the story of everyday life in a town outside of a medium sized city somewhere in the USA.
To be continued....
Lonic lived in a light yellow house at 1001 Birch Street on the corner of Birch Street and Yoliazo Road.
Next Door, at 1003 Birch Street lived Lonic's younger brother, 7.onic
At 1005, lived Jesus, who may or may not be a holographic simulation.
At 1007, lived Lalonic, but no one is sure if she actually exists.
At 1009, lived Ichihime who had been downgraded to normal after the Mayans brought everyone back.
Across the street at 1002 Birch lived his daughter, COVoinc with her boyfriend Knuckles and their son, Knovonic.
At 1004, lived Ronic, Lonic's twin sister
At 1006, lived Yodel Lonic
At 1008, lived Sonic'06 who is Sonic's father and Lonic's mother.
At 1010, lived Ronald Reagan
The the next street over, Cherry Lane, At 1002, backing up to Lonic's house lived oooaaqo
At 1004 (Behind 7.onic's house), lived eeii
At 1006 (behind Jesus's house) lived Dr Robotnic
At 1008 (behind Lalonic's house) lived uiiyooi
At 1010 (behind Ichihime's house) lived Barry Manalow
On the other side of Cherry Street at 1001 lived Lario
At 1003 lived Lugo
At 1005 lived Spider Lonic
At 1007 lived Iron Lonic
And at 1009 Cherry Street lived, me, Lyle, the author of Lonic
The neighborhood had an Homeowner's Association. The Mayans has assigned the most responsible people to be in charge.
Oooaaqo was president and 7.onic was vice president....
These are the never ending tales of this HOA.
~~ Being that the Mayans relived the world in December, Xmas was quickly approaching.
Lonic had invited everyone over to his house, but it was a trap.
He intended to kill them and take over the entire neighborhood.
He filled his pool with 100% bleach and put toasters into the pool set on a timer. It was 5pm and Dec 24 and the guest started to arrive.
COVonic and her family brought some fruit cake. Then oooaaqo, eeii, and uiiyooi shows up with their fruit cake made from an ancient dinosaur recipe.
Yodel Lonic brought his fruit cake.
Finally, 7.onic arrive and handed Lonic some bleach flavored egg nog. Lonic was so happy he didn't want to kill 7.onic any more.
Lonic suggested that they take a swim in the pool. It was already dark outside and only 10 degrees F... thus everyone refused.
Lonic's plan had fallen apart.
The play xmas games, like twister, and watch xmas movies like Top Gun.
When they got to the volleyball scene they all started laughing.
At that point, I ask what was so funny.
They are just stared at me. Finally, Lonic asked who I want.
I said that I'm Lyle.... that I live at 1009 on Cherry Street...
They just stared...
I explained to them that I'm literally writing the story and has created them all.
They stared. The Lonic just said, Sure. Then he smiled and offered me a swim in the pool.
I told him that I wasn't falling for that.
Eventually, everyone passed out drunk.
When I woke up, I took Ronic back to my house and locked her in the basement.
In turns out that Lonic forgot to drain the 100% bleach from his pool for 3 months and it ate the paint away. He had to paint to get it repainted.
He also got fined from the HOA for too much fruit cake in a dwelling.
To be continued....
A tree, a flat tire, melting the sun (again), and other HOA violations.
One day in June, Lonic decided to plant a tree in his front yard. It was a scorpion tree, that grew scorpions. Lonic like the way the leaves smelled and the possibility that the scorpions would kill everyone in the neighborhood.
After planting the tree, he kicked back by his pool with a gin and bleach.
The next day, Lonic found a letter on his door from the HOA. Turns out the tree had been planted .047 picometers too close to the road. He stormed down to oooaaqo's house and encountered him outside. Lonic, “That tree isn't too close to the road.” Oooaaqo, “It's too close, move it. Also, a $1 billion fine” Lonic realized he was powerless against the HOA and went home to move the tree....
That same day, eeii got a letter because his car had a flat tire, and this wasn't acceptable. Eeii didn't even need a car, he just like Yugos and bought one to fit in. He knew that talking to oooaaqo was worthless, so he tried the next option. That was to eat the HOA charter when it was made using his special powers to be able to eat anything in time and space..... However, the HOA charter was somehow protected from his power.... So he did the third best thing: eat the Mayans and prevent them from undestorying the world....
Lonic was not really wanting to move his tree and didn't have the money to pay his fine.... and if he didn't he'd be executed by midnight....
Yodel Lonic was out in space practicing destroying destroying stars, including our sun, with his fax style sound waves, when he got a call from Lonic. Lonic asked him to find his golden moon and make it crash into oooaqo. Yodel lonic said he would if Lonic paid back the $3 he owed him.... AND..... bought him 3 girls at next week's slave trade auction at the park down the street. Lonic agreed.
Meanwhile, I (Lyle, the author of Lonic, remember) got a notice that I wasn't allowed to hold people who belonged to the HOA as captives in my basement. I replied via letter that Ronic is, in fact, not a person. We'll have to wait to see how the appeal process turns out.
Yodel lonic flies over to Lonic's golden moon and kicks it, sending to tumbling towards oooaaqo's house. Right before it crashes into oooaaqo's house, eeii eats all of the Mayans, changing the timeline so that the world never got undestoryed after the yyuuuakoo and yodel lonic battle.
But, that didn't stop existence from unexisting and the golden moon crashed into oooaaqo's house. The impact move the street in front of Lonic's house ½ a picometer and his tree was no longer in violation. The gold also was more than enough to cover his fine.
Eeii's flat tire was also fixed as it was those sneaky Mayans who came by the night before and made his tire flat... but since they were eaten, his tire was no longer flat.
To be continued....
The HOA rejected my appeal that holding Ronic captive in my basement was acceptable because she didn't count as a person. Something about her being descended from humans. At this point, the HOA gave me 90 days to release her.
I kind of forgot about it and it lead to the silliest confrontation ever.
I, Lyle (the author of Lonic), was sitting in my living room playing some adult games on my 3DO when there was a knock on my door. It was oooaaqo, he informed me that my time to release Ronic had past. I told him that I'd do it soon and closed the door.
The next day, there was another knock at the door. It was the local SWAT team and everyone from the HOA. Probably not good news....
Over a megaphone, Lonic shouted: “ Lyle come out with your hands up and be executed or we will storm the house and execute you.”
Thinking that I might be executed soon, I took to my computer and send an email to *@*.* ro literally everyone in the world. It read:
Dear (your name here)
I am likely to die in the next 10 minutes. I have bu tone regret. My greatest work of art, “Lonic: Required to move swiftly” remains unfinished.
If possible, please take up the story and complete it.
I have attached all of the information you'll need.
Lyle, the author of Lonic parts 1-5.
Just then the door bursts open and I, Lyle, am hit with 700 rounds of ammo, flames hotter than hell itself, the piecing sound of fax machine data, and a spin attack from Lonic. I am now dead. Someday, someone will once again revive the greatest fanfic ever.
Lonic recuse Ronic from my basement. They also found my luck wishing coin in the basement... I was wondering where that went. With it, oooaaqo wished for the HOA arc to end....