the Adventures of Lonic: a gay rhythm game fan fic
like, you ever even seen Top Gun?|
I'm it's not like, you know, you're writing gay rhythm game fan fiction right now, right?
After getting the SSSS-Ultra Perfect on MaiMai, Sonic the Hedgehog and his long lost brother Lonic (my OC, giggle) came out of the game and asked all the guys at the arcade if they were ready to party!
Sonic is actually gay, but Dr Robotnic has brainwashed him into thinking he's straight, so that Sonic with breed and Robotnic can steal his kid and turn it into the ultimate fighting machine...|
which he needs to save the universe. But Lonic doesn't know that part, so he's trying to break the brainwashing with the power of rhythm games.
So, Lonic used to be a Quadrillionaire until a meteor smashed his yacht, which was carrying ALL of his gold.
Rico shot Lugo and Lugo died.
After Lonic escaped he went to Post Falls Zone, South Dakota to find Sonic who was working at a Pawn shop|
Sonic was collecting the Chaos Emeralds from local junkies who would pawn them for drug money
There was an epic battle between Sonic and Lonic the first time they met, which destroyed half the town.
3 weeks later, Sonic got pulled over the police, who were very racist against hedgehogs.
Lonic saved him and killed all the police.
They then went to New York City and that's when they found the "chosen one" who scored the SSSS-Ultra Perfect in Maimai
So, the mystery of Lonic's gold: As it sunk into the deep ocean of 80000km, the pressure crushed it into a sphere, it came out the other side of the earth, and is now a mini-moon made of 100% gold but with Ocean water it took with it.|
So, it's been bothering me since the other day.... but I've lost faith in humanity because when I was detailing Lonic's adventures at the club, you had to ask who got shot between Rico and Lugo... when EVERYONE should f**king know the reference!!!! ARGH!! (I can't be a true fanfic writer without having a break down about stupid things)
ok, what, like "there was blood and a single gunshot, but just who shot who? AT THE ___" this is an mega-hit song from one of the biggest names of all time
OMG!!! It's "At the Copa, Copacabana"!!!
Screw you guys, I'm going to go cry and contemplate genocide. So no more Lonic fanfic for you
recap Gold Wings > Top Gun > That Volleyball scene > Gay Fanfiction > Lonic
Lonic has COVID and to fight it he's going to shrink himself down and inject himself into the boss COVID inside of himself.|
Even better... Lonic, never having met his grandfather, assumed that his father was 100% human (his mother is 100% hedgehog). But, in fact, his grandfather WAS bleach!! Thus Lonic is 25% bleach himself
and in the Knuckles side story:|
The ghost of Knuckles was pardoned by the Lord of Darkness, Ronald Reagan.
But Knuckles' ghost decided to stay the at gay sex slave prison on Mars because of all the rhythm game music they play.
So, Lonic defeated COVID boss from inside COVID boss while being inside of himself...
but COVID boss left a nasty surprise inside of Lonic while Lonic was inside of COVID boss inside of Lonic! (next time on Lonic, a new character arrives!)
So, after Lonic defeated COVID boss, the president called and thanked him. He also gave Lonic $200million to say that he was part of the president's task force.
In the dream, Lonic gave birth to an attractive 16 year old daughter.
She laughed at told Lonic she'd let him live for at least another week, before flying out the window.
COVonic has arrived, half COVID, quarter Hedgehog, eighth human, eighth bleach... 100% parenting issues ahead for Lonic!
So, after a week of wild parties, Lonic had spent all $200million and was broke.|
He needed a job... that's when a familiar face walks through the door with a dangerous, but high paying gig. It's Lugo, who's been brought back to like by the US government to form a team of heroes to stop COVonic's deadly rampage.
Lugo now wears an eyepatch from when he was shot. Lonic, who's been partying way too hard, hadn't known about the deadly rampage, but accepted job.
Lonic was just about into a new arc... but is taking a break this week for a side story crossover:|
It's " Kacheek Week " in Lonic's world, so it's a SonicXNeoPets story!
After defeating COVID boss (in mahjong as we now learn), the President gave Lonic $200million. And then Lugo returned with an eye patch... |
And now, the epic conclusion:
Lugo hands Lonic a pamphlet and says he's recruiting the best Lonics from all the parallel universes for the LonVengers Project.
The first meeting of the LonVengers takes place at a HolidayInn that still has watersides from the 60s.
Since Lonic spent the entire $200 million the President gave him before Lugo returned and then Lonic killed all the other LonVengers; neither of them have a job. |
So Lugo needs to stay in the area to collect unemployment and Lonic decides to set out to revive Knuckles, because Knuckles can punch things really hard...
Not wanting to wait around, Lonic contacted Dr Robotnic.
They did this.
So Lonic goes to Viagra Hell and gets assigned to the same Gay sex prison that only play rhythm game music on Mars that Knuckles was assigned to.|
If you remember, Knuckles was released, but stayed anyway.
Anyone at the prison can leave, but only if they beat the Lord of Darkness, Ronald Reagan at rhythm games. Those who lose have to stay in the dungeon forever listening to the say 3 country songs forever.
Before you know it, Lonic put up a SSSS-Ultra Perfect on MaiMai and was headed back to the world of the living with Knuckles.
Soon another figure approaches and catches up to Lonic and COVonic. |
He introduces himself as Knovonic, the son of Knuckles and COVonic.
Lonic is confused and looks at COVonic.
She explains that since she is part COVID her particles are too small to be stopped by the dimensional barriers, so she was able to travel to Viagra hell and have a romance with Knuckles.
And also that she can have kids very quickly because of her COVID heritage.
So, Lonic, COVonic, and Knovonic all arrive on the golden moon after flying through space.
It's a very nice golden moon.
Lonic, COVonic, and Knovonic had arrived on the golden moon with it's golden water oceans and gold-infused air.|
Knovonic tells Lonic that he's there to kill him and finish the job that COVID Boss and COVonic couldn't do.
Then Lonic and Knovonic fight intensely for 6 days.
Normally, Lonic would be weaker than Knovonic... but the thought of getting back his quadrillion dollars in gold drove him to higher levels
Lonic reminder him that he did it himself.
He then tied a rope to the golden moon and started pulling it back to earth.
As Lonic got closer to Earth, the golden moon was pulled into the Earth's gravity.
With an impact point just 10km north of Hong Kong, the golden meteor destroyed half of Asia, leaving 3.1 billion people dead.
Thus, Sonic was no longer a target of Dr Robotnic's plan to turn him straight in order to stop the Earth's destruction for the golden moon falling in the future...
so, when we last left Lonic, all quadrillion dollars of his gold had crashed into the Earth, killing 3.1 billion people.
the impact was so strong that it woke some dinosaurs that had been sleeping for millions of years AND it infused the dinosaurs with gold.... they because Gold Dinosaur Robots
and they have psychic powers. They took much of lonic's gold and began buying real estate
Lonic didn't know about this because he was deep in the mountains completing his intro level samurai training
There's uiiiyooi. A golden brontosaurus robot who has the psychic ability to create really good marketing campaigns.
And oooaaqo, who is an unknown flying type dinosaur, he can travel through time.
And eeii, a small and cute dinosaur that can eat anything located anywhere in time and space.
One day during his training, Lonic finds a sword and becomes a grandmaster samurai. Having mastered the highest level of samurai training, Lonic returns to New York City to find that the golden dinosaur robots now own 90% of the city and have set up the largest rhythm game tournament in history.
And the winner gets to become god. Can Lonic use his new found samurai powers to win the tournament and become god?
Lonic arrives at the biggest rhythm game tournament in history, where the winner becomes god.|
Lonic arrives there and enters the tournament.(edited)
There are 4 total entries, Lonic and the 3 golden dinosaur robots.
In the first round, lonic has to battle oooaaqo.
The announcer says that the first round, player will be playing Donkey Konga by Nintendo. Lonic is allergic to nintendo and falls over, foaming at the mouth.
oooaaqo got a C-, but Lonic didn't hit a single note and only recovered after the round was over. Lonic had lost.
oooaaqo went on to win the tournament becoming the first golden robot dinosaur ever to become god.
So, I bet you're been wondering about Lonic. Well, the newest, most poorly written chapter is here.|
After losing the most important rhythm game tournament ever, Lonic returned home to find a note from Lugo saying, "Don't look for me.". He was gone.
So, Lonic decided to check out the Loser's Club (a club entirely for the big losers ever) located at 400 9th 32nd Street.
Outside the club, Lonic saw something in the dumpster. It was some sort of cat looking thing.
It was ichihime. She'd been tossed out the window of the Loser's Club for losing too much. Lonic gave her a cookie and they were instantly bonded, like the cheap thing she is.
She then told Lonic she was actually a guy and Lonic knew he was in love.
It's probably time for a new lonic chapter|
Last time, Lonic found ichihime in a dumpster outside of the loser's club. He found out that ichihime is really a boy and fell in love with him.
So Lonic and ichihime started dating and every Friday night they'd go to the loser's club to lose at mahjong.
One Friday night, however, they ran into trouble as they encounter oooaaqo in the streets on the way home.
Oooaaqo told Lonic that he needed ichihime as a sacrifice and then he would use his golden robot god dinosaur power to ban "all simples" from the universe forever
But Lonic had already been corrupted by ichihime and needed the power of "all simples" to live
Oooaaqo challenged Lonic to an East/South game of mahjong with ichihime at stake.
Lonic started the game as east. In turn 1, he pon'd 8of bamboo. In turn 2, he chi'd 3 of circles for a 345. All simples was looking likely. But on turn 4, oooaaqo riichi'd and Lonic immediately discarded into his hand. Riichi, ippatsu, tsumo, full flush, all triples, 3 concealed triples, 3 dora, 3 ura dora.
Lonic had challenged a golden dinosaur robot god and lost
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